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Adoption Generalization

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by Darksidehearts, May 15, 2013.

  1. Darksidehearts

    Darksidehearts A calm state of mind is proof of skill and mastery
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    #1 Darksidehearts, May 15, 2013
    I posted this on my Facebook page this morning and I kind of feel like putting here as well. It's a bit different from what I normally talk about on here but it's still bothering me.
    - - - -

    I was watching some TV last night, catching up on the shows I haven't seen in a while and one of them had a statement about adoption that's been bothering me a bit.

    “There are so many unwanted children in the world.”

    Unwanted? That might be true in some cases however I don't feel that it's right to generalize the idea of adopting a child because they were unwanted or to say every child not kept in a family was never wanted to begin with. I've never felt unwanted in my life but by that logic then I suppose it would have been best if I didn't exist? I mean why not if I wasn't wanted in this world to begin with right? Perhaps I'm over-thinking things a bit, I know what was intended by that statement but still it bothers me to think that's what people's impression on adopting a child is and why those children are available to adopt in the first place. Human life in general is precious regardless of how it starts, your origin should not matter as long as there is someone who wants to love you.
    - - - -

    I don't normally let things bother me like this but I'm still kind of angry. I mean we're already living with the stigma of abandonment by being given away for whatever reason in the first place but to then be classified as unwanted makes it sound like we're no more valuable than some scrap or mistake. As if we matter a little less in comparison to "normal" children that stay with their original family. We're no different from any of you, we only started life in a different manner and that is all. I know it was only a TV show and not like I heard someone actually say that to my face but still it hit home for me and made me wonder if that is how the public see's people like me.

    [c]"Do you really think we're not worth the same life as you?"[/c]

    [c]"Would it really be better if we didn't exist in the first place?"[/c]

    [c]"Do you somehow hate us because we value life more knowing we might not have had it at all?"[/c]

    These are some of the thoughts that have been running through my head all day. I'm happy with my life and am very fortunate that my Mother adopted me, I've never once gave a second thought about my existence. In fact I'm very proud to say that I'm adopted and more than appreciate the process but to think that's how some may actually view us bothers me. The reality is that I'm probably just being stupid, over-thinking things as usual. I bet It's not as bad as my mind is making out to be is it?
     
  2. Japes

    Japes Advanced Player

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    #2 Japes, May 15, 2013
    I definitely feel you. Having not been adopted myself I can't say that I have ever had think through any of those specific ideas concerning my life, but I definitely agree with you on all points.

    I'd like to avoid getting political here, but my university sponsors what they call a "Godparent Home" for mothers who are considering getting an abortion, where, if they agree not to do so, the home will pay all hospital expenses and find a loving family to take them in. On this same train of thought, I agree that all life is precious, regardless of how it starts. Just because someone's mother may have wanted an abortion does not make that person's value any less, nor does it make his or her value any more. Additionally, many disregard the fact that many potential mothers don't necessarily WANT an abortion, they are simply being pressured by external forces, so who is to say she didn't want the child to begin with?

    Being related by blood doesn't necessarily make a family a family, it's the experiences they share. I have befriended a number of people whose guardians are better parents than most.
     
  3. Almeria

    Almeria アイサレタイ
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    #3 Almeria, May 15, 2013
    I certainly don't think the children are "unwanted", someone surely wants one but don't always find a child who needs parents. There are many adults who for different reasons want to adopt and since there are many children up for adoption these fit each other like a glove. Unfortunately I think it's quite difficult to adopt these days for (what I think) silly reasons like same-gender partners or singles who want children. I could personally consider adopting a child in the future since I don't feel the need for neither a partner nor a child of my own, just helping one or two lives survive and have them grow up in a positive environment is more than enough for me. Like Japes says, it's not about blood bonds but the emotions for one another that matter which is the reason that adopted children sometimes are better off than those living with their real but mistreating parents.
     
  4. Darksidehearts

    Darksidehearts A calm state of mind is proof of skill and mastery
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    #4 Darksidehearts, May 15, 2013
    I really hope I haven't brought up any bad memories for anyone reading this, I didn't intend to have anyone feel down. I let little things fester in my mind too much when there are far worse things happening in the world, my petty little thoughts mean nothing in the long run and I know that.
     
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